Jokes

I bumped into one of my old classmates the other day, thinning hair, beer belly, grey moustache. She's really let herself go!

If I can give you one piece of advice from my life, it would be never ever date a tennis player.

I don’t know why but love means nothing to them...

The stunner next door just came round complaining about items going missing from her washing line and threatened to call the police.

I nearly shit her pants.

I hate autocorrect, it always makes me saying things I didn’t Nintendo!

When me and my mates go out on the pull, I'm known as 'The Cat'...

I'm not sleek and stealthy or anything, it's just that the birds scatter when they see me...!!

What’s the difference between oral sex and anal sex?

Oral sex makes your day.
Anal sex makes your hole weak.

Just been looking for a house with period features.

Although to be fair to my girlfriend, she really hates that nickname.

^