Jokes

so last night my missus allowed me to go on top..

I fucking love bunk beds...

You’ve seen all the TV Commercials.

But what really happens when you ask for help with an Erection lasting more than 4 hours..???

I walked into a Drug store and asked to talk to a Male Pharmacist.

The woman I was speaking with said she was the Only Pharmacist and since she and her Sister owned the store, there were NO Male employees.

She asked if she could help me. I said that I really would have preferred to speak with a male Pharmacist.??

She assured me that she was completely Professional and whatever it was that I needed to discuss, I could be confident that she would treat me with a high level of Professionalism.

I reluctantly agreed and began by saying,

“This is tough for me to discuss, but here goes. I get erections every day that last more than four hours. This condition causes me a lot of problems and severe embarrassment. So, I was wondering what you could give me for it”..???

The Pharmacist said, “Just a minute, I’ll talk to my Sister.”

When she returned, she said, “We discussed it at length and here’s the absolute best we can do :-

** Free room and board,

** 1/3 ownership in the Store,

** a Company Car,

** a King Size Bed, and

** £2,000 a month in Living Expenses.

A Man Whispers to a Woman at the Bar.
"I'd love to fill your Fanny with Stella Lager and then drink it all down slowly''
The shocked Woman runs over to her Husband and tells him.
''Aren't you goin to kick the fucking shit out of him''..??? She asks.
"No Way". he says.
''I'm not fighting any fucker, that can drink that much Stella''....!:

My wife asked me what my favourite time of day for having sex was.

Apparently, "When you're at work" was not the right answer.

Man goes to the doctors....

Doc: How can I help you today?’

Man: Well, every morning I take a massive dump at 8am

Doc: That sounds perfectly healthy to me, what’s the problem?

Man: I only wake up at 10

Seventy-year-old George went for his annual check-up. He told the doctor that he felt fine, but often had to go to the bathroom during the night. Then he said: "But you know Doc, I'm blessed. God knows my eyesight is going, so he puts on the light when I pee, and turns it off when I'm done!"

A little later in the day, Dr. Smith called George's wife and said: "Your husband's test results were fine, but he said something strange that has been bugging me. He claims that God turns the light on and off for him when uses the bathroom at night."

Thelma exclaimed: "That old fool! He's been pissing in the refrigerator again!"

A psychic dwarf has just escaped from prison. Police have warned there is a small medium at large.

I went to the cinema last night to see the new movie ‘Constipation’ but it hasn’t come out yet...

A woman arrested for tippexing out all the full stops in a library book has been told to expect a long sentence

The missus went mad at me because l didn't open the car door for her mother.

I just panicked and swam to the surface.