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Jokes

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billyboy1963 Offline
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Post: #9581
RE: Jokes
Some people have difficulty sleeping.

I can do it with my eyes closed

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Ars longa, vita brevis

Cogito ergo sum

Fere libenter homines id quod volunt credunt
02-12-2019 20:04
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billyboy1963 Offline
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Post: #9582
RE: Jokes
I asked my wife if I was the only one she’s been with.

She said, “Yes, the others were at least sevens or eights”.

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Ars longa, vita brevis

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Fere libenter homines id quod volunt credunt
02-12-2019 20:05
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billyboy1963 Offline
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Post: #9583
RE: Jokes
How do you make your wife scream while making love?

Call her and tell her about it.

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Ars longa, vita brevis

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Fere libenter homines id quod volunt credunt
02-12-2019 20:06
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Carl-Gen X Offline
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Post: #9584
RE: Jokes
My uncle has just left me a stately home in his will.

I’ve no idea where Sod Hall is but I’m thrilled.
02-12-2019 21:45
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Carl-Gen X Offline
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Post: #9585
RE: Jokes
Did you hear that Viagra now comes in a nasal spray?

It’s for dickheads!
02-12-2019 22:57
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Carl-Gen X Offline
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Post: #9586
RE: Jokes
I spent last night defrosting the fridge..

Or foreplay as she likes to call it!
02-12-2019 23:04
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HLO Offline
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Post: #9587
RE: Jokes
I won an eating competition pretty comfortably

It was a piece of cake
02-12-2019 23:11
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i'llbeback123 Offline
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Post: #9588
RE: Jokes
The magical goldfish agreed to grant three men a wish each.
The first man wished for a room full of gold.
The second man wished for a room full of diamonds.
The third man wished for keys to those rooms.

Q: What is worse than having a roaring T-Rex following you?
A: Having two roaring T-Rexes following you.

MK11 aka Mortal Kombat 11 - Spawn (DLC) vs Shao Kahn intro:
Spawn: Imagine Outworld free of slaves.
Shao Kahn: Over my dead body.
Spawn: Today's the day, skull-fucker.
03-12-2019 00:01
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billyboy1963 Offline
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Post: #9589
RE: Jokes
A husband and wife decided they needed to use "code" to indicate that they wanted to have sex without letting their children in on it.

They decided on the word Typewriter.

One day the husband told his five year old daughter, "Go tell your mommy that daddy needs to type a letter".

The child told her mother what her dad said, and her mom responded, "Tell your daddy that he can't type a letter right now cause there is a red ribbon in the typewriter."

The child went back to tell her father what mommy said.

A few days later the mom told the daughter, "Tell daddy that he can type that letter now."

The child told her father, returned to her mother and announced, "Daddy said never mind with the typewriter, he already wrote the letter by hand."

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ars longa, vita brevis

Cogito ergo sum

Fere libenter homines id quod volunt credunt
03-12-2019 20:19
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billyboy1963 Offline
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Post: #9590
RE: Jokes
Why did the blonde snort artificial sweetener?

She thought it was diet coke.

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Ars longa, vita brevis

Cogito ergo sum

Fere libenter homines id quod volunt credunt
03-12-2019 20:20
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