Jokes

(12-12-2019 19:26 )billyboy1963 Wrote:  How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizza?

Deep pan, crisp and even!

A family was driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumped against the windshield.

Embarrassed, and to spare her young son's innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don't worry, dear. That was just an insect."

"Wow," the boy replies. "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that!"

A penguin takes his car to the shop and the mechanic says it'll take about an hour for him to check it.

While he waits, the penguin goes to an ice cream shop and orders a big sundae to pass the time.

The penguin isn't the neatest eater, and he ends up covered in melted ice cream.

When he returns to the shop, the mechanic takes one look at him and says, "Looks like you blew a seal."

"No," the penguin insists, "it's just ice cream."

During a discussion at Sunday school, a nun asks the children what they think God takes you by when you die.

A kid responds, "I think God takes you by your feet, because once I walked into my parents room and my mom's feet were in the air and she was screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming!!!"

I kept on thinking why is the ball getting bigger and then it hit me

Part of my feet are made of vegetables

I have pota-toes

The doctors couldn't get to the root of the problem

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen.” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!”

The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you.”

I tried having a conversation with the sea but it didn't say anything

It just waved

Paddy was in court charged with assaulting his mother in law last Christmas
Lawyer "Now, Paddy, why did you fight your mother in law?"
Paddy: "One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift. The next year, I didn’t buy her a gift.
When she asked me why, I replied: “Well, you still haven’t used the gift I bought you last year! And M'lud that’s how the fight started…"

What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?

Hold onto your nuts, this ain't no ordinary blowjob.