Jokes

two brothers 7 years old and 4 years old.the 7 year old says to his brother,i think its about time we started swearing,when mum calls us down for breakfast ill swear first then you,ok says his brother.mum calls them down and asks the 7 year old what he wants for breakfast,shit mum ill have cocopops.whack he flew out of his chair crying his eyes out.his mum turns to his brother and says,and what do you want,dont know he says ,but it aint fucking cocopops

Got a tattoo of a digital watch on my wrist.

i regretted it literally one minute later

I was saying to a stranger in the pub last night, "My granddad is 104 tomorrow."


"holy shit, what's his secret?"


"he was born a long time ago" i said

I've been giving mrs w a hard time recently so I said "I'm sorry, babes, what can I do to make it up to you?"

"You can take me to that new restaurant that's opened in town"

"Deal!" I said...."and I'll tell you what, I'll even come and pick you up afterwards!"

I accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles, now I'm gonna have a shit, this could spell trouble

(25-02-2012 13:11 )Stillroom Rock Wrote:  I accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles, now I'm gonna have a shit, this could spell trouble

you never know, they might be blanks

Clint Eastwood's autobiography is simply titled Clint.If you squint it could easily be the title of Piers Morgan's.

Rangers ground Ibrox is to be renamed the Inland Revenue Arena or I.R.A. for short,but it's only provisional.

I once knew a Dental Nurse who loved giving Blowjobs and smoking weed. She was affectionately known as "Oral High Jean".

Two blokes walking down a road see a blind dog shagging a cabbage. One bloke says to the other "Poor bastard, he must think it's a collie".