Jokes

Pronouns.Like normal nouns,just highly trained.

Me and mrs w have been together for so long now that we finish each other's sentences.

Usually with the phrase, "Oh please shut the f*** up"

85% of Pie Charts resemble Pacman.

My wife asked me what I fancied backing today in the National.....


Her sister was not the answer she wanted to hear

A hundred years ago today, the unsinkable happened.

When I was in university the condom machine in the Student Union gents had the kitemark on it and "approved to BS 1714" (or whatever number it was) and somebody has graffittied underneath "so was the Titanic".

Mind you, my favourite piece of graffitti was in the urinal, where somebody had written "please do not throw matchsticks into this urinal as the crabs here can pole vault"

mrs w was moaning about finding me passed out on the floor after a night out with the boys.

I said, "I never passed out. The floor looked sad so I was just giving it a hug."

The white kit,the overexpectant fans & the total collapse in a huge game.Harry Redknapp must think he's England Manager already.

"Judging by your accent" said the butcher "I'd say your a Scotsman" "Aye" says the customer "& judging by your sausages I'd says your a fucking baker"

A 17 stone 8 year old was asked on TV what his favourite musical instrument at school is. The fat shite replied 'The dinner bell'.