Jokes

The makers of the film "The Neverending Story" have been sued under the misrepresentation of goods act.

I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!

I typed Hell instead of Hull into my Sat-Nav...I still got there.

My wife is trying to make a career in the porn industry.Unfortunately she's so ugly the Plumber actually fixed the leaking pipe & fucked off immediately.

Oxlade-Chamberlain and Walcott's families aren't going to the Euro's because of the fear of racism. Can't John Terry just stay in another hotel?

Euro 2012 begins this week. The Polish national side are due to fly out from Manchester on Wednesday!

Woman in Asda notices a young assistant. He has such a cute arse it makes her randy! She asks him to carry her shopping to her car. On the way, she can't hold back any more and says "I've got an itchy pussy". He says You'll have to point it out love, all these Japanese cars look the same to me!"

Me and the hubby decided to make our own sex tape.
He was pissed off when I started holding auditions for his part!

A lesbian found an old lamp and she rubbed it. Out popped a genie and he granted her two wishes.
First she wished for bigger tits and they instantly grew to 38DD (.)(.)
For her second wish, she asked for a really tight twat.
She'll probably ring you later!

I was pretty excited when my new girlfriend sent me a text claiming that she loves anal.
Dyslexic bitch, it turns out she loves Alan, my best mate!

Couple driving home in the pouring rain,they run over a badger.They get out of the car and find It's still breathing but freezing cold.Husband says "put it in-between your legs to warm it up"Wife replies "But It's wet and stinks" Husband says "well hold the badgers nose then"