Jokes

Q:What doesn't belong on this list:Meat,Eggs,Wife,Blowjob?
A:Blowjob:You can beat your meat,eggs and wife,but you cant beat a Blowjob.

Dirty Little Matt is sitting in the back of math class, obviously not paying any attention, when the teacher calls his name.

"Yeah teach?" he replies.

"If there are three ducks on a fence and you shoot one of them with a shotgun, how many are left?" asks the teacher.

Matt answers "Well, teach, if I shoot one of them with a shotgun, the loud noise is gonna make them all fly off."

"No, Matt, there will be two left if you shoot one with a shotgun, but I like the way you're thinking." the teacher responds.

"Well, teach, I've got a question for you... There are 3 women that come out of an ice-cream parlor, one is biting her ice-cream cone, one is licking it, and one is sucking on it. Which one is married?"

The teacher, a little taken back by the question answers, "Well, uh, gee Matt, I guess the one that's sucking on the ice cream."

Matt replies "No teach, the one that has the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking!"

Q:What's the difference between a band leader and a gynecologist?
A:A band leader fucks his singers and a gynecologist sucks his fingers.

A teacher took his class on a nature trail through the woods. He stopped by a tree and said, `Brian, can you tell me what the outer part of a tree is called?'
`I don't know, sir,' said Brian.
`Bark, boy, bark!' said the teacher.
`OK, sir,' said Brian. `Woof! Woof!'

Q:Have you heard the new political correct name for "lesbian?"
A:It's been changed to "Vagitarian".

Q:Did to know that 70% of gays are born that way?
The other 30% were sucked into it.

Q:What's the speed limit of sex?
A:68,because at 69 you have to turn around

Robbie Keane has said he has been a massive Club 12 supporter since he was a kid

TEACHER: Well, class, this year's outing will be to the seaside.

CLASS: Hooray!

TEACHER: It will cost fifty pounds

CLASS: Boo!

TEACHER: bye train, or two pounds by coach.

CLASS: Hooray!

TEACHER: The headmaster will be coming

CLASS: Boo!

TEACHER: to see us off.

CLASS: Hooray!

TEACHER: The weather will be wet and windy

CLASS: Boo!

TEACHER: in China and warm and sunny in England.

CLASS: Hooray!

TEACHER: There will be no paddling

CLASS: Boo!

TEACHER: until we get there.

CLASS: Hooray!

TEACHER: Lunch will be boiled fish and cabbage

CLASS: Boo!

TEACHER: for me and crisps, Coke and chocolate for you.

CLASS: Hooray!

TEACHER: There will be a visit to the museum

CLASS: Boo!

TEACHER: or, if preferred, to the funfair.

CLASS: Hooray!

TEACHER: But we must be back by twelve o'clock

CLASS: Boo!

TEACHER: midnight!

CLASS: Hooray!

In a recent football match Spain sucessfully complete 600 passes.In an attempt to get close to that figure Roy Hodgson has entered Rooney in Mastermind.

A Guy is driving his girlfriend home when she decides she wants to go to her friends instead. Her friend lives out of the way so she tells her boyfriend that she would get naked for him if he drove her. The guy says ok and the girl takes off all her clothes. The boyfriend is so busy looking at her that he stacks the car and gets stuck between the steering wheel and the seat. He tells her to go get help and she replied that she couldn't because she didn't have any clothes on. He replies, "Take my shoe and cover your snatch with it, and go for help!"

She takes the shoe and runs to the closest gas station. She finds the clerk and says, "Help, my boyfriend is stuck! Can you help us?" The clerk replies, "I'm sorry, I think he's too far in."

The teacher is droning away in the classroom when he notices a student sleeping way up in the back row. The teacher shouts to the sleeping student's neighbor, "Hey wake that student up!"

The neighbor yells back, "You put him to sleep, you wake him up!"