Jokes

Blind people often have better hearing.For example a referee wont notice an offside,but he will book you if you call him a cunt.

Newcastle United have just released their WONGA sponsored shirt.
It's £39.99 or 36 installments of £239.49!!

The rule of the tool: if the mass of the ass is proportional to the angle of the dangle, then the torque on the pork determines the heat of the meat.

A businessman tells his friend that his company is looking for a new accountant.

His friend asks, "Didn't your company hire a new accountant a few weeks ago?"

The businessman replies, "That's the accountant we're looking for.

I phone my local council & asked what precautions had been put in place in the event of a Dalek invasion,They told me steps have been put in place.

The boss returned from lunch in a good mood and called the whole staff in to listen to a couple of jokes he had picked up. Everybody, but one girl laughed uproariously.

"What's the matter?" grumbled the boss. "Haven't you got a sense of humor?"

"I don't have to laugh," she replied. "I'm leaving Friday."

A woman buys a mirror at an antique shop and hangs it on her bathroom door. One evening, while getting undressed, she playfully says, "Mirror, mirror, on my door, make my bust-line forty-four."
Instantly, there is a brilliant flash of light, and her breasts grow to enormous proportions. Excitedly, she runs to tell her husband what happened.
They return to the mirror and the husband crosses his fingers and says, "Mirror, mirror on the door, make my penis touch the floor."
Again, there is a bright flash and...................both his legs fall off.
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I'm desperately trying to give up my addiction to cash point machines
But I keep getting withdrawal symptoms.

Q:Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
A:Ask your mother

Some claim filling animals with helium is wrong,I say whatever floats your goat.

If you're 10% Polish, does that make you a tad pole?
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What's brown and run rounds your garden?
Your fence...
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I've been wanting to join the skeptics society, but I'm having doubts...