Jokes

Caty Cole is sat on the step outside S66studio eating a orange when her mate Sophia Lares walks up .After exchanging greetings Sophia notices Caty is not wearing any knickers ."Caty you've got no panties on!"says Sophia."I know" replies Caty "it's to keep the flies off my orange !"

Fernanda,Caty and SophiaLares are in a restaraunt .Sophia and Caty feel a bit daunted due to it being really posh.So Fern who is a regular customer says she'll do all the ordering to save her friends any embaressment .Anyway the posh waiter comes to the table and asks if the ladies are ready to order?"I'd ah like ah wellah done steak"says Fernanda ."what about the vegetables?"asks the waiter ."They'll have ah the same as me"
please note no offence is intended to either Caty,Sophia or Fernanda or any of their fans .

Whats the difference between a pussy and a fridge?
A fridge doesn't fart when U take your meat out...

Just after teeing off, a woman golfer runs into the clubhouse screaming in pain:
"What happened?" asks a male golfer.
"I got stung by a wasp."
"Where?"
"Between the first and second holes."
"Mmm" says the male golfer, "Sounds like your stance was a little too wide."

What's the smallest unit of time in the known universe ? The interval between the traffic light turning green & the Taxi Driver behind you sounding his horn.

A man was relaxing in his garden chair while his wife mowed the lawn. A neighbour poked his head over the fence and told him brusquely, "Thats's terrible, letting your wife do all the work. How lazy can you get! You should be damn well hung!"
"I am" replied the man. "That's why she mows the lawn."

I asked my Grandma if she ever tried 69. And she said, “No, but I have done 53 -- that's all the sailors I could screw in one night.”

Three couples went in to see the minister to see how to become members of his church. The minister said that they would have to go without sex for two weeks and then come back and tell him how it went.
The first couple was retired, the second couple was middle-aged and the final couple was newlywed.
Two weeks went by, and the couples returned to the minister. The retired couple said it was no problem at all. The middle-aged couple said it was tough for the first week, but after that, it was no problem. The newlyweds said it was fine until she dropped the can of paint.
"Can of PAINT!" exclaimed the minister.
"Yeah," said the newlywed man. "She dropped the can and when she bent over to pick it up I had to have her right there and then. Lust took over."
The minister just shook his head and said that they were not welcome in the church.
"That's okay," said the man. "We're not welcome in Home Depot either."

The Captain was on the Bridge and there was heavy fog.
He saw a light in front of his ship,so he sent a message,"I have right of way."
An answer came back from the light,"No you don't,please turn 30 degrees port side."
The Captain was infuriated,"Im the Captain of a Naval ship,Give way," he sent back.
The light answered,"I'm a Mariner,turn 30 degrees to port."
The Captain became really angry,"I'm the Captain of an Aircraft carrier,I will not turn."
An answer came back,"You'll will turn 30 bloody degrees port side,I'm a Lighthouse!!!"

A worm living underneath a golf course decicided to check out the weather one morning. Meanwhile above ground a lady golfer was caught short and was squatting in the long grass having a pee. She urinated just as the worm stuck its head above ground. The worm got soaked, quickly dived back down and said to its mate:
"Not only is it raining, but it's raining so hard the birds are building their nests upside down!"

Q: What comes after 69?

A: Mouthwash.

Sex is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest.

There was a little boy and a little girl in a bathtub having a bath. Suddenly the little girl looked down at the boy.
"Can I touch it?"
"No way -- you already broke yours off!"