Jokes

Wife runs out of petrol and phones her husband....''I'm scared to fill up because of this swine flu!'' ''You daft twat!'' he replies ''it's in Mexico, not fucking Texaco!''

I've just seen Michael Jackson on family fortunes. To be fair he was doing really well untin Vernon asked him ''Name somewhere you take the kids for a treat?'' Unfortunatly, ''up the shitter'' was not one of the top seven answers.

Why did the lion get lost? Because 'jungle is massive, Yo!'

Paddyfrank Wrote:Wife runs out of petrol and phones her husband....''I'm scared to fill up because of this swine flu!'' ''You daft twit!'' he replies ''it's in Mexico, not fucking Texaco!''

I've just seen Michael Jackson on family fortunes. To be fair he was doing really well untin Vernon asked him ''Name somewhere you take the kids for a treat?'' Unfortunatly, ''up the shitter'' was not one of the top seven answers.

Why did the lion get lost? Because 'jungle is massive, Yo!'

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahaha, awesome

Boyfriend: Is that a new perfume I smell?
Girlfriend: It is, and you do!

Why are great girlfriends hard to find?
Because the right girls are like parking spaces - all the best ones are taken and the ones available are handicapped.

My girlfriend walked into a shop to buy curtains.
She went up to the salesman and said, "I want those curtains in pink, the size of my computer screen.
The salesman said, "Computers don't need curtains."
My girlfriend said, "Hellooo, I have windows!"

I know its old but it make me laugh

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!”

The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you.”

an illegal imagrant is speeding along the motorway in a mini bus when he is pulled over by the police, the policeman says, "dont you know the limit on this road is 70", the driver turns to the back and says, "did you hear that, 3 of you will have to get out".

A Magician gets a job on the Titantic,on the first night of his show whenever he did a trick,the captains parrot would tell everyone how he did it. This continued until that fateful night when the ship sank.The magician and the parrot get on lifeboats and for 2 days the parrot says nothing until finally on the third day the parrot finally speaks and says "ok,ok I give up what have you done with the ship!"

The guy who wrote the lyrics to the hokey cokey died last week!! I tell you the undertakers had a hell of a time getting his body in the coffin, they put his left leg in, his left leg out....

I like going to porn theatres....and throwing yogurt at everyone

" She said she was game so I shot Her "

A blonde buys a handgun at a local pawn shop because she thinks her husband is
cheating on her. When she gets home, she finds her husband in bed with a woman.
The Blonde grabs the gun out of her purse, loads it and points it at her own
head.

Her husband seeing this starts screaming at her not to
Shoot.

The blonde replies "Shut up stupid! You're next!"