Jokes

I've opened a sperm bank but potential donors are having problems with transport. Two came on the bus and three missed the tube.

Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool, so I gave him a glass of water....

What do we want?

MORE PRODUCT PLACEMENT!

When do we want it?

NOW! That's what I call music! 89

I went to help a man I met in the high street search for His keys last night.
After 10 minutes I asked Him whether He knew where He dropped them.
"About two streets away," He said.
I asked " Why are you searching here then?"
He replied: " The lights better here!"

A man on his deathbed requested his wife, 3 sons, his nurse and a camera to be set up to record his final moments. Which were as follows...

"To my son, David, I leave the 2 blocks of flats in the East End of London. To my other son, Michael, I leave the 4 penthouses in Chelsea, and finally to my eldest son, Kevin, I leave the big glass building near Tower Bridge."

With that he slipped away. The nurse turned to the wife and said, "I never realised your husband was so wealthy. You and your sons are very lucky."

His wife swiftly replied, "Was he bollocks! He was a f****** window cleaner!"

Christmas Jokes 2015