Jokes

Dad, how comes my sister is called Teresa?" "Because your mum loves Easter and it's an anagram of Easter" "Thanks Dad" "No problem Alan"

I've just been prescribed anti-gloating cream. Can't wait to rub it in!

Let's have a sequence of your favourite mother in law jokes shall we?
Q: What is the difference between George Washington, Richard Nixon, and your Mother-in-Law?
A: Washington couldn't tell a lie, Nixon couldn't tell the truth, your Mother-in-Law doesn't know the difference.

Teacher: Can anyone use the word contagious in a sentence?

Billy: My dad has been painting the fences all week, it's taking the cunt ages

Just finished my 8th marathon.....or as they´re now called, Snickers.

My girlfriend just sent me a message saying: “helpmyspacebarbrokecanyoucomeoverandgivemeanalternative” What does ‘ternative’ mean?

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

You really shouldn't pry, mate...

Played 'guess the condom flavour' with the girlfriend last night She shouted 'Cheese & Onion?' 'Hang on', I said. 'I ain't put one on yet'

A sexy bird looked at my beer belly today and sarcasticly asked "Is it Fosters or Stella?" I replied "there's a tap underneath, taste it!"

The lady next door likes to cover her naked lovers, two at a time, in chocolate and caramel, then lick it off! She's a DominaTwix!!