Jokes

I'm terrified of elevators and I'm taking steps to avoid them.

In the local Pharmacist a Chemist asks his assistant why there is a man standing by the shop doorway in discomfort to which the assistant replies "the very man asked for cough syrup but as I couldn't find any so I gave him a bottle of laxatives instead".The Chemist replies "You fucking idiot you can't treat a cough with laxatives!" to which the assistant replies "well look at him then he's too afraid to cough".


And the Halloween joke;

Why was Dracula a rubbish goalkeeper - Because he cannot handle crosses.

If africa had more mosquito nets every year we could save millions
Of mosquitos from dying needlessly of aids

A man goes to the Doctor's & says "Doctor I have a problem in the downstairs department I have 5 penises" to which the Doctor asks "Wow how do your underpants fit you?"."Like a glove" replies the man.


The Halloween Joke;

What do you do if a ghost jumps out on you - kick him in the ghoulies.

What did the Hurricane say to the Coconut Tree ? - Hold on to your nuts pal this ain't no ordinary blow-job.

It's hard, sometimes when I talk to a beautiful woman.
Then she notices it and it goes soft again.

The makers of velvet toilet roll say they plant 3 trees for each one they use making toilet paper.
Sounds like a lot of shit to me.

I asked my French girlfriend if she liked golden showers.
Wee, wee she replied.

What is the difference between erotic & perverted ? Erotic uses a feather,perverted uses the whole chicken.

How do you embarrass a Historian ? - Show him a used tampon & ask him what period it is from.