Jokes

(09-01-2019 23:41 )Jack the Nipper Wrote:  I went into Primark earlier today to buy a pair of camouflage trousers but couldn't find any.

Keep em coming....

Thought I saw Michael J Fox in the garden centre today...

Although I’m not entirely sure it was him, he had his back to the fuscia.

My wife left me because she said all I ever think about is football.

I’m gutted, we’d been together for nearly three seasons.

How can you tell if a woman is wearing tights?

When she farts her ankles swell up...

I asked my mother for the money to do a bungee jump...her response was “son, you came into this world because of a broken rubber, I don’t want you leaving the same way”

I walked past the fridge the other night and thought I could hear an onion singing a Bee Gees song.

Turns out it was just the chives talking..

In the betting shop today my friend told me to put all my money on a horse named Landfill.

It was a rubbish tip!

Traffic Update:

A Vicks Vaporub lorry has overturned on the motorway.

Police have confirmed that there will be no congestion for 8 hours!

I’m thinking about starting my own business, recycling discarded chewing gum...

Just need a bit of help getting it off the ground.

Which Spice Girl can carry the most water?

Geri can of course.