Jokes

I took the missus to a restaurant last night I said "do you like peppa pig?" She said "yeah" I said "waiter some pepper over here please"

(24-01-2019 11:29 )Cheesy Grin Wrote:  I took the missus to a restaurant last night I said "do you like peppa pig?" She said "yeah" I said "waiter some pepper over here please"

Christ

What do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?

Slow down. And possibly use Lubricant.

(24-01-2019 12:14 )Skyline Wrote:  What do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?

Slow down. And possibly use Lubricant.

BOOM.. Now get out.

Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

The Lone Ranger and Tonto are riding through the desert. Suddenly, Tonto jumps off his horse, White feller, and goes down on all fours with his face sideways on the desert floor.

Lone Ranger : “What you going Tonto?”

Tonto : “Buffalo come”

Lone Ranger : “How can you tell?”

Tonto : “Face sticky”

A very sad story was on the news last night about the World's most unluckiest man who had bought a box of After Eight Mints & died at half past seven.

My neighbor is in the Guinness World Records. He has had 44 concussions.

He lives very close to me. A stone’s throw away, in fact.

I had my sat nav stolen the other night.The worst thing was that I could hear the bitch giving him an escape route.

I was having sex the other night and to my surprise my wife started punching me in the face.

I have no idea who let her into my office.