Jokes

Due to extensive research scientists have discovered the diarrhea is in fact hereditary.

- Apparently it runs in the genes.

I was in my local library earlier today & I stumbled across a book 'The History of Glue Making'. - No matter how hard I tried I just couldn't put it down.

I saw a Chameleon today, guess it must of been a pretty shitty Chameleon

I slept through the alarm this morning, good thing it was only a small fire.

Why didn't the life guard save the hippy?.....He was too far out, man.

Did you hear about the Shakespeare wannabe-he just went from bard to verse!

(27-01-2019 01:24 )GreenMachine Wrote:  Did you hear about the Shakespeare wannabe-he just went from bard to verse!

That was likely down to him knowing Much Ado About Nothing!! BOOM BOOM!


He's dead you y'know Shakespeare didn't know he'd been ill!!

“How old are you, grandad?” *old man puffs on pipe. Stares wistfully out of the window* “Well, I remember a time when it wasn’t fucking January.”

I tried again to force feed my child.

My wife rudely interrupted again shouting “For the last fucking time, you are NOT a Jedi, use a fucking spoon!”.

I tried to be polite by holding a door open for a woman, but she kept screaming “I am trying to have a piss now fuck off”