Jokes

ok this one could be tricky cuzits really a visual joke

its christmas 1940 and the english and the germans have been fighting for months pounding each other either side of a river,when the call goes out for a truce to remember loved ones at xmas,one englishman feeling rather lonely and bored notices a german on the other side of the river looking sad also.so he tries to make conversation wth him.but neither understands the other,so the englander tries some sign language.he asks the german what his post is in the war,he holds each arm out an pretends to be a plane waving his arms about,but the german just shakes his head.maybe he,s in the navy thinks the chap,and starts to make swimming motions to signify water for sailer,but the german shakes his head,he must be an army lad then,so he tries to ask,after five minutes of flexing his muscles and doing several different up yours signs,the german just shakes his head.i give up says the englishman,unless? are you on guard duty he says he raises his fingers to his eyes to point out if the blokes on watch,but at this point the german screams and legs it,after a few hundred yards the captain stops him ansd asks where he,s going,the geman replies"thers a bent englishman over there who said at 9.15.he,s swimming across the river to fuck me till my eyes pop out"

a couple were in their bedroom and the girl says to her boyfriend"i wish i had bigger tits"the boyfriend says"well what i suggest is that you get some toilet paper and rub it over your tits"."how well that help?"asks the girl."well it worked on your arse" the boy replies

a male and female whale are swimming through the ocean,on seeing a small boat the male says"hey,ive got a great idea!lets swim under that boat and blow out really hard through our blowholes"the female says"er,i dont know,"oh come on,it,ll be fun,just once the male says,the female agrees and they swim under the boat and blow out,capsizing the boat and sending sailers into the sea.as they are swimming away the male says"there,wasnt that fun?"."ive got another idea,lets swim back and eat all the sailers"the female replies "look i agreed to the blowjob but i aint swallowing any seamen

A wife goes to her doctor complaining that after 10 years of marriage she has never had an orgasm. The doctor advises her to relax and to use a fan to keep her cool during sex. On hearing this her husband refuses to pay for a fan so ask his mate if he would mind coming round and wafting a towel instead while the couple make love. However she still didn't orgasm.
The next day the wife asks the husband if they could swap over so his mate can make love to her. After an hour of the best mind blowing sex ever the wife has had multi orgasms. Her husband looks at his mate and says.......
"That my son, is how to flap a fucking towel!!!"

why are hurricanes normally named after woman?
when they come they,re wild and wet
and when they go they take your house and car with them

News headline: glaxosmithkline have introduced a new drug for lesbians, it's called.........tridixagain

a man was going door to door doing a sex survey in jeffs nieghbourhood"how many times a week do you have sex with your wife?"asked the man."three times"replies jeff.Mmm,thats once more than your neighbour"the man said taking notes,"well i should hope so said jeff she is my wife"

two bored casino dealers are stood at the crap table,a well fit blonde walks in and bet 20k on a single roll of the dice.she said"i hope you dont mind but i feel luckier if im naked"with that she strips off showing her gorgeous tits and shaved fanny,then she rolls the dice yelling come on baby bring me luck.as the dice comes to a stop she jumps up and down squealing ive won,she hugs each of the dealers,picks up the winnings and her clothes and makes a quick exit,the dealers stare in disbelief,"what did she roll?"asks one.the second says" i dont know i thought you were watching"

an old red indian chief was asked the name of his wife,he said"wife name three horse"."thats an unusual name,what does it mean?" asks the visitor.the chirf replies"it means nag nag nag"

one day a seven year old boy asks his dad to explain the government to him.so dad says"ok son i,ll explain it the best i can,you see me,im like the government because everything has to go thru me for the house to work smoothly"your mother shes like the people,she has some say but i can override it."the maid is the working class cuz she works for us,and your baby brother is the future"a little confused the lad goes to bed,but in the middle of the night he wakes to hear the baby screaming,he goes to his parents room to find mum asleep and dad missing.so he goes to find the maid,and finds dad too,there fucking,so he heads back to cope with baby himself and sees that the baby has shit its nappy.
the next morning he says to dad,"i understand government now"his dad says really"tell me then"so the little boy said"while the people are sleeping the government are screwing the working class and the future is full of shit".