Jokes

I just read a book titled “How to Survive Falling Down a Staircase”.


It’s a step by step guide.

If you’re waiting to be served in a restaurant, shouldn’t you be called the waiter?

Interesting, isn’t it, that "take out" refers to food, romantic dating, and assassination.

I was hoping to steal some leftovers from the party but I guess my plans were foiled.

That awkward moment when your friend told you their dog died, and, without thinking, you say, “Oh no, that must have been ruff…”

Why are asteroids called asteroids and haemorrhoids called haemorrhoids ?

Surely it should be the other way around ?

Did you hear about the scarecrow who won the Nobel Peace Prize.

He was outstanding in his field..

(I’ll get my coat)

My Dad always told me to fight fire with fire, which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade.

My girlfriend says I’m tight!

So to prove her wrong we went out for some tea and biscuits

It was quite exciting as she’s never given blood before

I missed the bus this morning...

I really shouldn’t be so sentimental about public transport..

R.I.P boiled water

You will be mist.