Jokes

Touch it gently...
Put 2 fingers inside, if it's big put 3 fingers in...
Make sure it's wet...
Rub it up and down....
Yeah....

That's how you wash a cup

Q: What's the difference between a Mosquito and a blonde?
A: On slapping a Mosquito, it will stop sucking.

Q: How would a blond interpret 6.9?
A: A 69 interrupted by a period.

Q: How do you get a blonde off of her knees?
A: Come.

Q: What do a blonde and an instant win lottery ticket have in common?
A: Simply scratch the box to win.

Q: Why did the blonde get fired from the sperm bank?
A: Her employer found that she was embezzling.

A bloke invites his blonde girlfiend to the multiplex.
"What's showing?"
"A double bill - Moby Dick and Free Willy."
"But I don't like sex films."
"They aren't, they're films about whales."
"I don't like the Welsh, either."

My girlfriend said she wanted to experiment in the bedroom...

So I got her a chemistry set and went to the pub

why cant miss piggy count to 70?
cuz everytime she gets to 69 she gets a frog in her throat

A guy says to his wife, "I'm in the mood for some 69."

She says, "It's that time of the month, but if you don't care, I don't care."

They go into the bedroom, and are 69ing like mad dogs when the doorbell rings.

She says, "Answer the door."
He says, "But my face is a mess."
She says, "It's just the postman. Answer the door, and if he says anything, just tell him you were eating a jam sandwich."

He opens the door and says, "I'm sorry about my mouth, I was eating a jam sandwich."

The mailman says, "I wasn't looking at the jam on your mouth...I was looking at the peanut butter on your forehead."

My Girlfriend got her clit pierced last week. She said "In all the years I've been with you, I'd never experienced an orgasm until now".

I now give her one just by sitting next to her. With my magnet.

A hillbilly farmer who wanted to get a divorce paid a visit to a lawyer. The lawyer said, 'How can I help you?' The farmer said, 'I want to get one of them dayvorces.'

The lawyer said, 'Do you have any grounds?' The farmer said, 'Yes, I got 40 acres' The lawyer said, 'No, No, you don't understand, Do you have a suit?

The farmer said, 'Yes, I got a suit, I wears it to church on Sundays.' The lawyer said, 'No, no, I mean, do you have a case?' The farmer said, 'No, I ain't got a Case, but I got a John Deere.

The lawyer said, 'No, I mean, do you have a grudge?' The farmer said,'Yes, I got a grudge, that's where I parks the John Deere'

The lawyer said, 'Does your wife beat you up or something?' The farmer said, 'No, we both get up at 4:30.'

By now the lawyer is getting frustrated but tries one last question ..The lawyer said, 'Is your wife a nagger?' The farmer said, 'No, she's a little white gal, but our last child was a nagger and that's why I wants a dayvorce.'