Jokes

At a wedding party recently someone yelled, "All the married men please Stand next to the one person who has made your life worth living."




The bartender was nearly crushed to death...

Guy: Can I buy you a drink?

Girl: Sorry, but alcohol is bad for my legs.

Guy: Do they swell?

Girl: No. They spread.

A boy watches his mum and dad having sex and he asks, "What are you doing ?"

His dad replies, "Making you a brother or sister!"

Boy says, "Do her doggy style I want a puppy."

A boss asked one of his employees, 'Do you believe in life after death?'
'Yes, sir,' replied the new employee.
'I thought you would,' said the boss. 'Yesterday after you left to go to your brother's funeral, he stopped by to see you.'

The other day I was having sex with this married woman when her husband came home early.

She told me I’d have to use the back door and said I’d have to be quick.

On reflection I should have just left, but it’s not every day you get an offer like that.

A Mom finds some BDSM magazines beneath her son’s bed.

She calls her husband up to the room, shows him, and asks, “What do you think we should do?”

The Dad frowns and says, “Well, I suppose spanking him is out of the question.”

I've just watched a T.V. documentary about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.

(07-12-2019 19:53 )billyboy1963 Wrote:  A Mom finds some BDSM magazines beneath her son’s bed.

She calls her husband up to the room, shows him, and asks, “What do you think we should do?”

The Dad frowns and says, “Well, I suppose spanking him is out of the question.”

Whenever I type BDSM I always get muddled up with BDMS: Bright Drawn Mild Steel.

A child asked his father, "How were people born?"

So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on."

The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now."

The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!"

His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."

I asked my daughter if she’d seen my newspaper.

She told me that newspapers are old school. She said that people use tablets nowadays and handed me her iPad.



The fly didn’t stand a chance.