Jokes

Did you hear about the cannibal that made a bunch of businessmen into Chili?

I guess he liked seasoned professionals.

How is a pussy like a grapefruit?

The best ones squirt when you eat them.

What does the donkey from Winnie The Pooh do when he's tired?

'Eeyorne

What does singing and holding an egg have in common?

Carry yolk-y

Eating your lunch in a children's playground can have its ups and downs, for example, I just had a chicken see-saw salad

My girlfriend dressed up as a policewoman and told me I was under arrest on suspicion of being good in bed.

After two minutes she said all charges were being dropped due to a lack of evidence.

My wife thinks our sex life is boring and I get distracted too easily …

Well, I guess I’d better get back to it.

A woman walks into a bar and asks for a double entendre.

So the bartender gives her one.

X-mas jokes

Q. What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
A. Ice Crispies

Q. What do penguin waiters say?
A. "Waddle it be?"

Q. Which king is a children's favourite at Christmas?
A. A stocking!

Q. Why do rude people always lose at Scrabble?
A. Because they don't mind their Ps and Qs.