Jokes

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Men, it is said, vacuum in the same way that they have sex.

They just put it in and make some noise for 3 minutes before they collapse on the couch and think that their wife should be really happy.

I asked my wife why she never blinked during foreplay.

She said she didn’t have time.

Two light switches were in a relationship

Well I say relationship, they were on and off

Three middle-aged men are golfing one day. All are proud parents, and so they begin to brag about their children.

“My son is doing incredibly well for himself,” the first man says. “He’s a lawyer, and he’s just rolling in the money! In fact, he has so much money that he bought his friend a sports car.”

The second man says, “I can top that. My son is even wealthier! He’s a skilled brain surgeon; he makes a fortune. He has so much money that he bought his friend a huge house.”

“What about you, Frank?” the two men ask their friend.

Frank sheepishly looks at his feet. “Well, my son is, um … well, he’s in gay porn.”

His two friends express their condolences before Frank speaks one more:

“Still, I guess he’s doing well for himself. After all, he has a huge house and drives a brand-new sports car.”

A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar: Cheeseburger, £2.50; Chicken Sandwich, £3.50; Handjob, £10.

Checking his wallet for cash, he walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks to a group of men.

“Yes?” she inquires with a knowing smile. “May I help you?”

“I was wondering,” whispers the man, “are you the one who gives the handjobs?”

“Yes,” she purrs, “I am.”

The man replies, “Well, wash your hands, I want a cheeseburger.”