Jokes

I bought a racehorse today, I called him My Face.

I don't care if he doesn't win, I just want to hear a load of posh twats shouting, "Come on My Face."

In the end the photograph never got convicted

The cops found out it was framed

Did you know that if you put one of your testicles in the top of an empty beer bottle and put a flame underneath your testicle will get sucked inside

If anyone knows the reverse let me know ASAP it’s quite urgent

Mack stops by the pub on the way home from the doctor.

"What's the matter?" Mark asks as he walks in.

Mack replies: "I haven't been feeling myself recently."

"Good!" says Mark. "That was a nasty little habit you had!"

Paddy and Seamus went to London to become sperm donors.

It was a disaster!

Paddy missed the tube and Seamus came on the bus!

A lady is setting off to have a round of golf after a series of lessons with the club pro.

15 minutes after leaving the clubhouse, she returns looking a little flustered and upset.

“What’s wrong” says the golf pro realising she’d only been gone a short time.

“I’ve been stung be a bee” she said.

“Where did it sting you” asked the pro.

The lady replied “Between the first and second hole”

“Ah”, said the golf pro as he nods.

“Your stance is far too wide.”