Jokes

3 men captured by female savages, are told their penis's would be removed in a manner appropriate to their jobs.
1st was a lumberjack so his would be chopped off.
2nd was a butcher so his would be sliced off.
3rd man started laughing. "whats so funny?" asked the females. he replied "i work for DYSON

I went into Boots yesterday and asked the assistant 'what gets rid of coronavirus?

She said 'ammonia cleaner'
I said 'I'm sorry, I thought you worked here.

Everyone at John Lennon Airport has been quarantined. Imagine all the people.

A cat actor got booed of the stage

It was a paw performance

There was a football player called stamp, who wasn't very good

He could only hit the post

While talking to girl:
"Hey, I heard an interesting stat the other day. They said that 80% of women masturbate in the shower. Know what the other 20% do?"
"No, what?"
"Yea, I figured you were in the first group."

Why did the little boy eat his cash?

Because it was his dinner money!

I saw a homeless guy on the street with a sign that said, “One day, this could be you.”

I put my money back in my pocket, just in case he’s right.

Unexpected sex – that’s a great way to wake up.

If you are not in a prison.

Whats long and hard and has cum in it?

A cucumber.