Jokes

What did the hat say to the tie?

You hang around. I'll go on a head!

What did the digital clock say to the grandfather clock?

Look, Grandpa, no hands!

What do you call a factory that sells good products?

A satisfactory

Since the football has been suspended I’ve had to start talking to my wife.


Seems like a nice Woman

Life without women would be a pain in the butt.......

..........Literally

What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?

Slow down. And possibly use a lubricant.

In the morning Tom calls to his boss:

– Good morning, boss, unfortunately, I’m not coming to work today. I’m really sick. I got a headache, stomach ache, and my both hands and legs hurt, so I’m not coming into work.”

The boss replies:
– You know Tom; I really need you today. When I feel like this I go to my wife and tell her to give me sex. That makes me feel better, and I can go to work. You should try that.

2 hours later Bob calls:
– Boss, I followed your advice, and I feel great! I’ll be at work soon.

By the way, you got a nice house.

Unexpected sex is a great way to be woken up…

If you’re not in prison.

I don’t think it’s possible for me to become a sniper.

Not by a long shot.

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are in an elevator.

They all are standing there awkwardly until one of the spots a stain on the carpet.

The redhead says “it looks like cum”.

The brunette smells it and says “it smells like cum”.

The blonde goes and licks it and says ” nobody in this building”.