Jokes

I had to drive a 60 mile round trip to a castle

Why? I hear you ask

To test my eyesight

This gravity joke is getting a bit old, but I fall for it every time.

Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed.

In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says, "I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!"

The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he's had the same dream, too.

Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, "That's funny, I dreamed I was skiing!"

A husband comes home to find his wife with her suitcases packed in the living room. "Where the hell do you think you're going?" he says.

"I'm going to Las Vegas. You can earn £400 for a blow job there, and I figured that I might as well earn money for what I do to you free."

The husband thinks for a moment, goes upstairs, and comes back down, with his suitcase packed as well. "Where do you think you going?" the wife asks.

"I'm coming with you...I want to see how you survive on £800 a year!!!"

A redhead tells her blonde stepsister, "I slept with a Brazilian...."

The blonde replies, "Oh my God! You slut! How many is a brazilian?"

What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?

A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

Why shouldn't you hire a midget chef?

The steaks are too high.

Three Friends an Italian a German and a Greek they decided to bet it's other 100 euros who is going to make their wives scream more from sex.

So they all go home to have sex with their wives so they make them scream. The next day the meet.

The Italian says, "I made love to my wife for 2 hours and she was screaming for at least 1 1/2 hours."

The German says, "That's nothing, I start licking my wife for two hours and she was screaming the whole time and half hour after that."

The Greek says, " That's nothing, I made love to my wife for ten minutes, I came a couple times I wiped my Dick in the curtain and she still screaming."

A 'Dominic Cummings ' is now a golfing term. It means a really long drive that goes out of bounds but there's no penalty.

The nurse at the sperm bank asked me if I'd like to masturbate in the cup.

I said, "Well, I'm pretty good, but I don't think I'm ready to compete just yet."