Jokes

A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day, their passions overcame them in the office and they took off for her house.

Exhausted from the afternoon's activities, they fell asleep and awoke at around 8 p.m. As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Confused, she nonetheless complied and he slipped into his shoes and drove home.

"Where have you been?" demanded his wife when he entered the house. "Darling," replied the man, "I can't lie to you. I've been having an affair with my secretary. I fell asleep in her bed and didn't wake up until eight o'clock."

The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, "You liar! You've been playing golf!"

A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"

The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to f*ck your brains out, and suck your t*ts dry."


Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?" He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."

I’m about three years into my relationship now and I've started to have erection difficulties.

My girlfriend and I have different ideas as to what the problem is: she bought me some Viagra and I bought her a treadmill.

Three guys travel to Saudi Arabia and get lost. They walk into a tent that they think was the one they rented, but actually belongs to a prince with 3 hot wives.

The prince comes home and thinks his wives are cheating on him. As a punishment, he tells them that their penises will have to be cut off in some way relating to their occupation.

He asks the first guy what his job was.
"I'm an employee at the shooting range," he replies.
"Then we'll shoot your dick off!" the prince says.


"I'm a fireman," the second guy says.
"Then we'll burn your cock off!" says the prince.

The third guy smiles and says, "I'm a lollipop salesman."

I'm a mailman. At Christmas this year, Mrs. Jankowitz met me at the door and invited me in for a great breakfast spread.

After I ate, I thanked her and she said, "There's more." She took me to her bedroom and showed me moves I had never imagined.

I told her I had no idea she felt this way. She said, "I don't."

I ask, "What was all this about?"

She says, "I asked my husband what to give the mailman." He said, "Screw the mailman, breakfast was my idea."

A representative for a condom company is on her way to a convention.

While rushing through the airport, she drops the briefcase carrying her samples of condoms all over the floor.

As she is stuffing all the condoms back into her briefcase, she notices tourists giving her crazy looks.

"It's ok, she says, "I am doing a huge convention."

The Government in Egypt has asked the city's taxi drivers to drive around Cairo sounding their car horns. It is hoped that the familiar sounds of the city will induce a return to tranquillity and normality following the pandemic. Operation Toot 'n Calm 'Em will last for the rest of the week.

A man boards a plane with six kids.

After they get settled in their seats, a woman sitting across the aisle leans over to him and asks, "Are all of those kids yours?"

He replies, "No. I work for a condom company. These are customer complaints."

A guy and his wife are sitting and watching a boxing match on television.

The husband sighs and complains, “This is disappointing. It only lasted for 30 seconds!”

“Good,” replied his wife. “Now you know how I always feel.”

A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary.

As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"

The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your tits dry."

Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"

He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."