Jokes

A blonde and a brunette worked in a factory. The brunette says, "I know how to get some time off from work!"

"How?" asks the blonde. "Watch this," says the brunette. She climbs up to the rafter and hangs upside down.

The boss walks in, sees her and says, "What on earth are you doing?" "I'm a lightbulb," she answers.

"I think you need some time off," says the boss so she jumps down and walks out.

The blonde starts walking out, too.

"Where are YOU going?" says the boss.

The blonde replies, "I can't work in the dark!"

My three favorite things are eating my family and not using commas.

I can give you the cause of anaphylactic shock in a nutshell

Teaching is not for sensitive souls.

While reviewing future, past, and present tenses with my English class, I posed this question: “‘I am beautiful’ is what tense?”

One student raised her hand. “Past tense.”

I tried to sue the airline for misplacing my luggage

I lost my case

A man is at the optometrist getting his eyes checked.

“You need to stop masturbating so much,” the optometrist says.

“Why?” asks the man. “Is it going to make me go blind?”

The optometrist looks around and says “no, but it’s making the other patients very uncomfortable.”

Two fish swim into a wall…

One turns to the other and says, “Dam!”

Q: What's worse than spiders on your piano?

A: Crabs on your organ

Dropped some ice cubes last night.

Not to worry, it's all water under the fridge now.