Jokes

Is it just me, or is the scariest feeling in the world that moment when you flush a toilet full of toilet paper and the water slowly starts to rise.

Anybody else gonna eat cat food for dinner?

I Know Iams.

this bloke and his wifes sex life hadnt been to good of late,so one night he comes home from work and says to the mrs,"ive got a game we can play which may help spice up our sexlife,ive brought a packet of flavoured condoms and i,ll wear one and while yur sucking you have to guess the flavour"the wife says"great idea"and dives under the covers,after a few minutes she comes up for air and says"ok,thats ones tastes like cheese and onion" the husband says"oh sorry about that,i hadnt put one on yet"

this 1's especially 4 setter1000 lol



a very rich man is asking his sons what do they want for christmas, the first son says a playstation, so he buys his son sony PS3, another son says a golf club so he buys him wentworth, the last son says a mickey mouse outfit, so the father buys him West Ham!

All women say size doesn't matter.

But you never see a three inch dildo, do you?

My sister reckons her old drama teacher was the worst ventriliquist ever, she said he used to stick his fingers up her arse and ask her to say nothing.

Those skimpy Lycra type shorts women now days like to wear, are now going to be called mumbles; due to the fact that you can see the lips move but you cant hear what the tw*t is saying

One evening, a Dad decides to cook something different and serves up for his family, some juicy fresh deer. He chooses not to tell the kids what it is, but gives them one clue, he say's "it's what your mother call's me". Quick as a flash, his son yells "it's a fucking knob, dont eat it!"

I recall my first time with a condom, I must have been 16.

I went in to buy a packet of condoms at the pharmacy. There was this beautiful assistant behind the
counter, and she could see that I was new at it.

She handed me the package and asked if I knew how to wear one. I honestly answered,
'No, this is my first time.'

So she unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped it over her thumb. She cautioned me to make sure it was on tight and secure. I apparently still looked confused. So she looked all around the store to see if it was empty. It was empty.

'Just a minute,' she said, and walked to the door, and locked it.

Taking my hand, she led me into the back room, unbuttoned her blouse and removed it. She unhooked her bra and laid it aside.
'Do these excite you?' She asked.
Well, I was so dumb-struck that all I could do was shake my head. She then said it was time to slip the condom on.

As I was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her knickers and sat down at a desk.
'Well, come on', she said, 'We don't have much time.'

So I climbed on her. It was so wonderful, that unfortunately, I could no longer hold back and KAPOW, I was done within a few minutes.

She looked at me with a bit of a frown.
'Did you put that condom on?' she asked.

I said, 'I sure did,' and held up my thumb to show her.

She fainted.

what did one wafer say to the other wafer when he got back from holiday?

how long have you been a wafer.