Jokes

1. Good: Your wife is pregnant. Bad: it's triplets. Ugly: You had a vasectomy five years ago.
2. Good: Your wife's not talking to you. Bad: She wants a divorce. Ugly: She's a lawyer.
3. Good: Your youngest son is finally maturing. Bad: He's involved with the woman next door. Ugly: So are you.
4. Good: Your wife and you agree, no more kids. Bad: Your wife can't find her birth control pills. Ugly: Your 13 year old daughter borrowed them.
5. Good: Your oldest son understands fashion. Bad: He's a cross-dresser. Ugly: He looks better than your wife.
6. Good: You give the 'birds and bees' talk to your 10 year old daughter. Bad: She keeps interrupting. Ugly: With corrections.
7. Good: Your son is dating someone new. Bad: It's another man. Ugly: He's your best friend.
8. Good: Your 15 year old daughter got a new job Bad: As a hooker. Ugly: Your co-workers are her best clients. Very Ugly: She makes more money than you do.

What do you call a cow with 2 legs

Lean beef

Is buttcheeks one word or should they be spread apart ?

If a dove is the bird of peace, then is a swallow the bird of love?

My gay friend got fired from the sperm bank because they caught him drinking on the job.

My friend has a band who are playing a gig next weekend. He said the doors open at 7 but I'm pretty sure Jim Morrison is dead.

A woman wants to surprise her hubby, goes to a tattooist and asks him to do two butterflies on her butt cheeks. The tattooist says: "I can't do butterflies, but I can do two bees." She agrees. She goes back home, puts on a sexy teddy turns around in front of her husband, spread her cheeks and says: "That's for you". He's shocked: "Who the hell is Bob?"

What do you call a magician who has lost his magic ?

Ian