Jokes

Two flies in an airing cupboard which one is in the the army?

The one on the tank!!

They say swimming with Dolphins is expensive but swimming with Sharks costs an arm and a leg.

I was talking to a lumberjack the other day, he told me over the years he has cut down 15000 trees.

How do you know its 15000 i asked.

I keep a Log he replied.

Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to help check her balance.

So I pushed her over.

The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick.

She still isn't talking to me.

How do you learn to be a trash collector?

Just pick it up as you go along

The wife says she is leaving me in the morning because of my addiction to 80's boy band Wham.

OK, I said just wake me up before go go.

I rubbed tomato ketchup in my eyes.

In Heinz sight I wish I hadn't done it.