Jokes

hope this hasn't been done already. extra points if you can guess what film this came from.

"Did you ever hear the one about Superman and Wonder Woman? Superman's horny as hell and he's flying around Metropolis and he spots Wonder Woman sunbathing totally naked, legs spread wide, on the roof of the Justice League of America. Superman figures that he can swoop down and fuck Wonder Woman without her even realizing it because he's Superman right? He's faster than a speeding bullet. So he swoops down and fucks her and he's gone in a flash! Wonder Woman gets up and says 'what the hell was that?' And the invisible man says, 'I don't know but my asshole is killing me.'"

Not sure if its been done before but its a good joke
(Hollow Man)

Two builders (Dave and Stuart) are seated either side of a table in a pub when a well-dressed man enters, orders a beer and sits on a stool at the bar.

The two builders start to speculate about the occupation of the suit

Dave: - I reckon he's an accountant.

Stuart: - No way - he's a stockbroker.

Dave: - He ain't no stockbroker! A stockbroker wouldn't come in here!

The argument repeats itself for some time until the volume of beer gets the better of Dave and he makes for the toilet.

On entering the toilet he sees that the suit is standing at a urinal.

Curiosity and the several beers get the better of him.

Dave: - 'Scuse me.... no offence meant, but me and me mate were wondering what you do for a living?

Suit: - No offence taken! I'm a Logical Scientist by profession

Dave: - Oh? What's that then?

Suit: - I'll try to explain by example ... Do you have a goldfish at home?

Dave: - Er .... mmm ... well yeah, I do as it happens!

Suit: - Well, it's logical that you keep it either in a bowl or in a pond. Which is it?

Dave: - It's in a pond!

Suit: - Well it's reasonable to suppose that you have a large garden then?

Dave: - As it happens, yes I have got a big garden.

Suit: - Well then it's logical to assume that, in this town, if you have a large garden then you have a large house?

Dave: - As it happens I've got a five bedroom house .... built it myself!

Suit: - Well given that you've built a five bedroom house it's logical to assume that you haven't built it just for yourself and that you are quite probably married? And with a family?

Dave: - Yes I am married, I live with my wife and four children.

Suit: - Well then it is logical to assume that you are sexually active with your wife on a regular basis?

Dave: - Yep! Five times a week!

Suit: - Well then it is logical to suggest that you don't masturbate very often?

Dave: - Do what? Not me, mate!

Suit: - Well there you are! That's logical science at work!

Dave: - How's that then?

Suit: - Well from finding out that you had a goldfish, I've told you about your sex life!

Dave: - I see! That's pretty impressive. Thanks mate!

Both leave the toilet and Dave returns to his mate.

Stuart: - I see the suit was in there. Did you ask him what he does?

Dave: - Yep! He's a logical scientist!

Stuart: - What's that then?

Dave: - I'll try and explain. Do you have a goldfish?

Stuart: - Nope

Dave: - Well then, you're a wanker

Thanks mate, that's the best joke i've heard in ages!!!

Lol No problem

Q.What happens when you sit under a cow?
A. You have a pat on the head!
That ones quite funny!heres another...
Q.Why is europe like a frying pan?
A.It has greece on the bottom!

Good Jokes hey? They make me laugh anyway!
_______________________________
APPLEE THE ALEX ADAMS FAN.

My wife said that Gavin from AutoGlass came round to inject some of his special resin into her crack......... funny that as she doesn't own a car.

Bloody hell synerd thats a good one!! heres another joke!
Don and his workmate tom are car mechanics,and one day tom forgot to bring some sandwitches with him,so don gave tom one of his sandwitches tom says "bloody hell these are nice sandwitches" and Don says "yes i use old bread"
ha thats funny too!
__________________________________
APPLEE THE ALEX ADAMS FAN!

A man walks in to his doctors surgery totally covered in clingfilm, the doctor turns to him and says well clearly i can see your nuts.

a nurse is bathing a female patient whos been in a coma for a few months,when she notices a reaction after placing a sponge between the womans legs.the doctor is notified,who tells her husband to come to hospital,when he arrives the doctor explains what just happened and suggests he tries oral sex with her.so hubby goes to her bed and closes the curtain,he reappears 15 mins later pale and shocked and annouces she died.what happened asks the doctor,"i think she choked to death"says the husband.