Jokes

Postman Pat, Postman Pat
Postman Pat and his unionised cat,
Early in the morning,
They're still in bed a-snoring,
And I'm wondering where's my post you fucking twat.

You know you have a problem when your looking through porn and keep saying,' Seen it.'

deleted my joke because after they edited it it was not funny!

i posted this joke 3 weeks ago. fucking royal mail!

a woman posts an advert in the dating column of her local paper,it reads"looking for a man with these qualifications:wont beat me up,run away and is great in bed"shortly after bob turns up at her door,"hi,im bob.i have no arms so i cant beat you up,ive got no legs so i cant run away"so she asks him"what makes you think yud be good in bed?"bob replies"i rang the doorbell didnt i?"

what have winnie mandella and the pigeons of trafalgar square got in common?
theve both sit on nelsons column

two eggs are in a boiling pan,one says"ive got a huge crack"the other replies"stop teasing,im not hard yet"

How much calcium can you get from sucking on a nipple?

Apparently enough to grow a bone...

My Sex-life is like my bank account.

Once I withdraw, I lose interest.

derby county winning 2-0 now losing 3-2 ha ha ha