Jokes

I had my first parachute jump today and I was terrified. This guy strapped himself to me and we jumped out.
As we plummeted to earth he said, "So, how long have you been an instructor?"

My wife walked in on me after my shower while I was blow drying my d**k and balls and asked, "What the hell are you doing?"

Apparently, "heating up your dinner" was not the right answer.

I asked my wife to rate my listening skills and she said, “You’re an 8 on a scale of 10.”

I still don’t get why she wanted me to urinate on a skeleton.

Why are mathematicians never constipated ?

Because they can always work it out with a pencil and paper.

How is sex like air?

It’s not a big deal unless you aren’t getting any.

How is virginity like a soap bubble?

One prick and it is gone forever.

Why are women like parking spaces?

The good ones are already taken.

My wife of 60 years told me, “Let’s go upstairs and make love.”

I just sighed and said, “Choose one, I can’t do both.”

What’s the cheapest meat you can buy?

Deer balls, they’re under a buck..

A slice of pie is $2.50 in Jamaica and $3.00 in the Bahamas..

These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.