Jokes

A friend of mine lives on a house boat, he started seeing the girl next door but sadly it didn't last.

They just drifted apart.

A man walks into a Bar

Thank you im here all weekend

Just went into my butchers and asked for some tripe.

He gave me a Love Island box set.

Daffy Duck calls the hotel desk and asks for a condom. They ask “shall we put it on your bill?” and he replies “are you thucking thupid I’ll thucking thuffocate”

Our local vicar has gone missing.

We’ve called Missing Parsons.

What do dentists call their x-rays?

Tooth pics!

Why did the bullet end up losing his job?

He got fired.

How do you help a constipated person?

You scare the shit out of them.

Did you hear about the man who fell into an upholstery machine?

He’s fully recovered.