Jokes

thanx guys you made me laugh coffe out me nose... well most of em...

Mariaaaaa<3 is online.

Jonny: Hey there! You alright? ( :

Mariaaaaa<3 is offline.

Story of my life.

My hands trembled as I dialled. A womans voice answered.
"I..I...think I've done something terrible. I...I...think I've killed my wife" I stammered.
"Sir, with all due respect. This is hotpoint" Came the reply
"I know. How the fuck do I use the washing machine?"

You know you wank too much when, after sex, you instinctively go to wash your hands

my mum just made me clean out the hairs out of the bathroom plug
my god it felt like i was fingering susan boyle.

In this day and age you can never be too sure about people suing you.

I write 'may contain nuts' on my boxers just to stay on the safe side.

They say that fat girls try harder, not in the gym they don't.

My girlfriend is always saying that she can't wait for the day I go down on one knee.
I can't wait till the day she goes down on two.

Aussie skipper Ponting is said to be Indian fast bowler Ishant Sharma's bunny. Here's a joke about this situation...

Ishant Sharma admits Ponting is faster and quicker than him: "I haven't seen any one get out so fast. Man, I envy his speed. I am quick but he is quickest.", he says. "I think I should now cut my run up short when I bowl to him. Or else, he might be gone when I am half way thru my run up."

If all Brides are beautiful, where the fuck do ugly wives come from?