Jokes

Did you hear they arrested the devil?

Yeah, they got him on possession.

A ventriloquist is performing a routine with his dummy, telling a series of dumb blonde jokes. Suddenly, a well-dressed platinum blonde businesswoman stands up and says "How can you judge people based on their hair color? It has no bearing on intelligence!" The ventriloquist says, "Lady, please, I just—" The blonde snaps, "You stay out of this! I'm talking to that jerk sitting in your lap!"

I just had sex in an elevator.

It was great on so many levels.

After a decade, the police are still in pursuit of the Viagra thief.

He’s just so hard to catch.

My babe told me that sex is better on vacation.

It wasn’t the best postcard I’ve ever received.

Learning how to collect trash wasn’t hard.

I just picked it up as I went along.

I was an accountant from the age of 21 until I was sacked for no reason when I was 30.
A total waste of 14 years.

Marvin Gaye used to keep a sheep in my vineyard.

He’d herd it through the grapevine

I don’t know what you call a small spillage from a pen but I have an inkling

Two pieces of fruit sat on a hill, suddenly another piece of fruit rolls past.

One fruit turns to the other and says: ‘Wow look at that man-go.’