Jokes

What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?

Claustrophobic.

What do you call Santa’s helpers?

Subordinate clauses.

Why wouldn’t the sesame seed leave the casino?
It was on a roll.

Which branch of the military accepts toddlers?

The infantry.

I was kidnapped by mimes once.

They did unspeakable things to me.

When you die, what part of the body dies last?

The pupils…they dilate.

What do the movies Titanic and The Sixth Sense have in common?

Icy dead people.

Why are oysters considered to be an aphrodisiac?

If a woman will eat an oyster, she'll obviously put anything in her mouth......

My new year's resolution is to be more optimistic by keeping my cup half-full with either rum, vodka, or whiskey.

If you were born in September, its pretty safe to assume your parents started out the New Year with a Bang