Jokes

I waited and stayed up all night and tried to figure out where the sun was.

Then it dawned on me.

A soldier survived mustard gas in battle, and then pepper spray by the police.

He’s now a seasoned veteran.

A cement mixer collided with a prison van.

Motorists are asked to be on the lookout for 16 hardened criminals

A bit of advice please.
Is 'motherfucker' one word, or two?

It's for a Valentine's card, so I want it to be right.

Katie Price has just bought out OXO

Beware if you get lumps in yiur gravy!!

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one – and let the other one off.

Doc, I can’t stop singing the ‘Green Green Grass of Home’.

He said: “That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome.”

“Is it common?” I asked.

“It’s not unusual” he replied.

I'm slowly getting over my obsession with Tipperary but there's a long way to go.

The older I get, the more I can feel women dressing me with their eyes.

I was riding my donkey when someone threw some rocks at me and knocked me off

I was stoned off my ass.