Jokes

What goes in hard and dry then comes out wet and soft?

Chewing gum.

What comes after 69?

Mouthwash

Why is sex like math?

You add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray there’s no multiplying.

Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?

They don’t have balls to scratch.

An elderly married couple were on a walk.
"See that fence? That's where we first had sex."
Wife; "Go on then, for old times sake."
After an hour of frantic sex, the wife, exhausted, pants;
"Don't recall it ever being that energetic!"
Him; "The fence wasn't electrified then."

I don't see my wife and kids anymore due to my gambling.

I won the lottery and moved to Spain.

My mum's sister is French and always angry.
She's a croissaunt.

Dyslexics are teople poo.

Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?

He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.

Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar.

“Get out of here!” shouts the bartender. “We don’t serve your type.”