Jokes

An elderly couple were sitting on their patio, each enjoying a glass of wine and watching the marvel of nature as the sun was setting. The woman said, " I love you so much I don't know how I could have lived without you these past 50 years."
Her husband turned to her and asked, "Is that you or the wine talking?"
She replied; "it's me ......talking to the wine."

What do a penis and a Rubik's Cube have in common?

The more you play with it, the harder it gets

What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?

Hold onto your nuts, this ain't no ordinary blowjob.

The owner of a drug store walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall...

The owner asks the clerk, "What's with that guy over there by the wall?"

The clerk says, "Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative."

"You idiot! You can't treat a cough with laxatives!"

"Oh yeah? Look at him, he's afraid to cough!"

I'm not sure how I feel about masturbation...

On the one hand, it's pretty great

I saw two men wearing identical outfits and asked if they were a couple.

They arrested me.

My mate egged me on to sniff his sister's knickers.
She was wearing them at the time which rather made the funeral a little awkward.

I walked into the bank and said to the cashier, Id like to open a joint account please.

“OK, with whom though? "

“Whoever has a lot of money.”

I went to donate some blood today, never again, they ask so many questions.

Who's is it ?
Where does it come from ?
Why is it in a bucket ?