Jokes

A boy says to a girl, "So, sex at my place?" "Yeah!"

"Okay, but I sleep in a bunk bed with my younger brother, and he thinks we're making sandwiches, so we have to have a code.

Cheese means faster and tomato means harder, okay?"

Later on the girl is yelling, "Cheese cheese, tomato tomato!"

The younger brother says, "Stop making sandwiches! You're getting mayo all over my bed!"

A man and woman had been married for 30 years, and in those 30 years, they always left the lights off when having sex.

He was embarrassed and scared that he couldn't please her, so he always used a big dildo on her. All these years she had no clue.

One day, she decided to reach over and flip the light switch on and saw that he was using a dildo.

She said "I knew it, asshole, explain the dildo!"

He said, "Explain the kids!"

Sarah goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?"

Sarah waves her hand, "Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!" Miss Rogers says, "All right, Sarah, what is your multi-syllable word?"

Sarah says, "Mas-tur-bate."

Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, Sarah, that's a mouthful."

Sarah says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."

A bloke came into my shop today and said, "Why is your exit sign flickering on and off?"

I said, "It's on the way out!"

A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on."

The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now."

The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."

A boy asks his father, "Dad, are bugs good to eat?"

"That's disgusting. Don't talk about things like that over dinner," the dad replies.

After dinner the father asks, "Now, son, what did you want to ask me?"

"Oh, nothing," the boy says. "There was a bug in your soup, but now it’s gone."

Why couldn't the leopard play hide and seek?

Because he was always spotted.

A girl realized that she had grown hair between her legs. She got worried and asked her mom about that hair.

Her mom calmly said, "That part where the hair has grown is called your monkey. Be proud that your monkey has grown hair."

The girl smiled. At dinner, she told her sister, "My monkey has grown hair." Her sister smiled and said, "That’s nothing; mine is already eating bananas."

This morning I coughed up a pawn, a knight and a bishop.
I must have a chess infection!

My wife left me today because of my obsession with Africa. Kenya believe that? Ghana be a messy divorce, not sure where she's going Togo, but a guy named Chad is going to look after her so she Congo to his house as he has Benin a similar situation!