Jokes

whats the difference between a porcupine and a porsche owner?with a porcupine the pricks are on the outside.btw i own a porsche

18th November 2009, Thierry Henry breaks the world gang bang record as he 'single handedly' fucks the entire population of Ireland

Dragons' Den, how arrogant are they?

We know you're rich, you don't need to bring cash with you! They bring money in and pile it up. I'd like to go on there with a shotgun.

"What's your idea?"

"Quite simple, you put all that cash in this bag!"

Some Nursery rhymes.

Mary had a little skirt
With splits right up the sides
And every time that Mary walked
The boys could see her Thighs
Mary had another skirt
Twas split right up the front
But she didn't wear that one very often


Simple Simon met a Pieman, going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the Pieman,
What have you got there?
Said the Pieman unto Simon,
Pies, you dickhead.

Little miss muffett sat on her tuffett her knickers all tattered and torn, it wasn't a spider who sat down beside her it was little boy blue with the horn.

Have any of you ever wondered who this is?

For some time, many of us have wondered who Jack Shit is. We find ourselves at a loss when someone says "You don't know Jack Shit."

Thanks to my efforts, you can now respond in an intellectual way. Jack Shit is the only son of Argh Shit, who married Oh Shit, the owners of Knee Deep N Shit Incorporated.

In turn, Jack Shit married Noe Shit. The couple had six children and their names are: Holly Shit, Giva Shit, Fulla Shit, Bull Shit and the twins Deep Shit and Dip Shit.

Deep Shit married Dumb Shit, a high school drop-out.

Sadly, after 15 years, Jack and Noe Shit got divorced and she then married Ted Sherlock and became Noe Shit Sherlock.

Meanwhile, Dip Shit married Lotta Shit and had a rather nervous child called Chicken Shit. Fulla Shit and Giva Shit married the Happens brothers and had a double wedding. A local newspaper invited everyone to the Shit-Happens wedding.

Bull Shit travelled the world and returned home with an Italian bride, Pisa Shit.

Easy innit!

Lady in labour, shouting the usual shit, "Get this out of me! Give me the drugs!" She turns to her boyfriend and says, "You did this to me, you fucker!"

He casually replies, "If you remember, I wanted to stick it up your arse, but you said, 'fuck off it'll be too painful.'"

I went to see the nurse this morning for my annual check-up.
She said I had to stop wanking.
When I asked why she said, "Because I'm trying to examine you!"

whats the difference between ignorance and apathy?
i dont know and i dont care

i bought a pair of boxers from tesco today i noticed the allergy advise didn't say may contain nuts

a bloke has an accident on his way to work one morning when he smashes into the back of a stationary car at the traffic lights.the car driver gets out and he,s a dwarf.he shouts at the other driver who hit him"im not happy"to which the other driver says"go on then,which one are you?"