Jokes

Is there anything worse than when it’s raining cats and dogs?

Yes, hailing taxis.

Just found out that my flight has been cancelled because of the worldwide Microsoft outage…

That's the last time I ever book a windows seat!

There was a safety meeting in work today.They asked me “What steps would you take in the event of a fire?" 'Fucking big ones' was the wrong answer

I got banned from the zoo yesterday for making a parrot laugh...

It's polly tickle correctness gone mad!

My friend doesn’t like to talk about his psoriasis.

He’d rather just sweep it under the carpet

British people are like coconuts. Hard on the outside but sweet once you crack us.

Also often found full of alcohol and holding an umbrella.

To order shampoo online you must agree to the perms and conditioners.

An Englishman, a Scot, and an Irishman walk into a pub with their wives and all order tea.
The Englishman sweetly asks his wife, “Pass the honey, honey.”

Inspired, the Scotsman turns to his wife saying, “Pass the sugar, sugar.”

Not to be outdone, the Irishman glances at his wife and barks, “Pass the milk, you bloody cow!”

What is the scientific/medical name for Viagra?

Mycoxaflopin