Jokes

This middle-aged woman just had a physical.

The doctor said, “Don’t eat anything fatty.

She said, Like bacon and burgers?”

“No fatty, don’t eat anything!”

I have a joke about chemistry, but I don't think it'll get a reaction.

What's the difference between 'Oooh!' and 'Aaah!'?

About three inches.

Q. Why don't programmers like nature? A. Too many bugs.

My local bank is installing an ATM in a tree. If it’s successful, they might expand to other branches.

I told my microwave that I needed more space. Now I'm in hot water.

Q.What do you call a belt made of watches? A. A waist of time!

Steve Jobs would’ve been a better president than Trump.

But comparing apples to oranges is unfair.

How do you milk sheep?

Bring out a new iPhone and charge £2000 for it.

What do you call a cow that can play multiple musical instruments?

A moosician.

I'll get my coat.........