Jokes

The owner of the tailor shop kept hovering over me when i was browsing, so I asked him to leave me alone.

He said, “Fine, suit yourself.”

An old man was sitting on a bench when a young man with spiked hair came over and sat down beside him.

The boy's hair was bright yellow and green with orange tips, and he had blue makeup around his eyes.

The old man kept looking at him. The boy said, "What's the matter, old man, haven't you ever done anything wild in your life?"

The old man answered, "Well yes, actually, I have. I got drunk once and had sex with a parrot.

I was just wondering if you were my son."

What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations?

Tinselitis

What do you call an obnoxious reindeer?

Rude-olph.

What do you call a bunch of chess masters bragging about their games in a hotel lobby over the holidays?

Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.

A man walks into a job interview. The CEO looks at his resume and asks, "I see here you were fired from your last job for having a bad temper. Is that true?"

The man leans over the desk and says, "Listen, you little pencil-pusher! I'll tell you who has a bad temper if you don't offer me this job right now!"

The CEO immediately replies, "Wow, that's impressive! You're hired."

The new employee asks, "Really? Just like that?"

The CEO shakes his hand and says, "Yeah. I like a man who can cut right to the point."

What’s every parents’ favourite Christmas carol?

'Silent Night'

Why did Santa go to music school?

To improve his wrapping skills

I have been teaching my dog to fetch tools from my workshop.

He’s not perfect, but he knows the drill

A man took his car to the mechanic because it was making a terrible noise.

The mechanic removed the Mariah Carey Christmas CD, and now it’s fine.