Jokes

What do you call somebody who routinely uses just 1% of their brain?

A centimental fool.

Positive thought for the day:
You should never go through life thinking that nobody is interested in you. Prove it to yourself by not paying any bills for a couple of months. You'll see then that there will be plenty of people taking an interest in you...

What do the movies Titanic and The Sixth Sense have in common?

Icy dead people.

I was horrified when my wife told me that my six-year-old son wasn’t actually mine.

Apparently, I need to pay more attention during school pick-up.

What do you call a version of the bible for the visually impaired?

The Holy Braille.

Our local priest charges £10 for every sin confessed.

It’s the price of admission.

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have...

The older she gets, the more interested he is in her.

Two old men are sitting on a bench. A truck passes on the road. It is pulling a trailer loaded with turf. One of the men says, "See, that's what I will do when I win the lottery."

"What?" asks the other one confused.

"I will send my grass away for cutting!"