Jokes

I bought Stevie Wonder a dictionary for Christmas.

He couldn't find the words to thank me.

A young Aussie lad moved to London and went to Harrods looking for a job. The manager asked, "Do you have any sales experience?"

The young man answered, "Yeah, I was a salesman back home."

The manager liked the Aussie so he gave him the job. His first day on the job was challenging and busy, but he got through it.

After the store was locked up, the manager came down and asked "OK, so how many sales did you make today?"

The Aussie said "One."

The manager groaned and continued "Just one? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale for?"

"£101 237.64" The Aussie replied.

The manager choked and exclaimed £101 237.64? What the hell did you sell him?"

"Well, first I sold him a small fish hook, then a medium fish hook, and then, I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down at the coast, so I told him he would need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him that twin-engined Power Cat. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to car sales and I sold him the 4 x 4 Suzuki".

The manager, incredulous, said "You mean to tell me....a guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and 4x4?".

"No no no......he came in here to buy a box of tampons for his wife and I said........."Well, since your weekend's fucked, you might as well go fishing!""

Just got this DVD: "Hot and Horny Housewives Do Anal 3".

Do you think I will understand what's going on if I've not seen 1 and 2?

"Do you want to close all tabs?"

Making it hard to hide porn since 07'

So happy with the X Factor result...

It's finally fucking finished.

(14-12-2009 22:33 )Summerz_180 Wrote:  So happy with the X Factor result...

It's finally fucking finished.

agreed!! thank fuck for that!!


Q: What do blondes say after sex?

A: "Thanks, guys!"

Q: What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?

A: Humpme Dumpme.

I was looking at the weather forecast on sky news and the bloke said.."its gonna be between 5 and 7 degrees"
and I thought to myself..why didn't he just say 6 degrees

The Grim Reaper came for me last night, I beat him off with my vacuum cleaner...

...talk about Dyson with death!

dan takes his car to the local garage to get his spark plugs changed."are they champion?"asks the mechanic "of course there not,there fucked"says dan"otherwise i wouldnt be here,would i ?"