Jokes

last month british airways lost 401 million.im not sure if thats pounds or suitcases

people ask me "whats your pet hate?"well,he isnt keen on me flicking his nuts

jordan ran the london marathon to help raise money for the blind,after jogging that far with her body im suprised she hasnt joined them

jimmy carr:ten pence from the sale of every copy of my new dvd goes to the poor underprivileged children of cambodia.....who manufacture them

whats black and white and eats like a horse?a zebra

this bloke said to me,whatever you do dont mention deodorant.i said"sure,mums the word"

if you have a mothball in each hand,what have i got?a very excited moth

i saw a poster which said"have you seen this guy" so i rang up and said"no,i havnt"

what genius invented the taser?an electric shotgun that when you fire it at a complete lunatic,he,s still attached to you.so,you,re stood there attached to a complete nutter who you,ve just pissed off by zapping himwith 3,000 volts

i saw a headline in a paper saying"britain faces crises" i thought what,were running out of faces?"

homophobia and arachnophobia are the same.i dont fear spiders or gays but id scream if i found one in my bath

(24-12-2009 14:11 )85stevewest Wrote:  try saying"whale oil beef hooked"without sounding like an irishman swearing

haha bit like this old one-try saying 'beer can' without sounding like a Jamaican telling you what he wants for breakfast

(25-12-2009 17:28 )bytor Wrote:  

(24-12-2009 14:11 )85stevewest Wrote:  try saying"whale oil beef hooked"without sounding like an irishman swearing

haha bit like this old one-try saying 'beer can' without sounding like a Jamaican telling you what he wants for breakfast

yeah cool cheers mate,it took me a second to get the accent then i got it...cheers

Great news guys!

After its annual day-off, the DFS sale starts again tomorrow.

A little girl was out with her Grandmother when they came across a couple of dogs mating on the sidewalk. "What are they doing, Grandma?" asked the little girl. The grandmother was embarrased, so she said, "The dog on top has hurt his paw, and the one underneath is carrying him to the doctor." They're just like people, aren't they Grandma?" said the little one. "How do you mean?" asked the Grandma. "Offer someone a helping hand," said the little girl, "and they fuck you everytime!"

i was in a chinese restaurant when a duck came up to me with a rose and said"your eyes sparkle like the stars" so i said to the waiter"excuse me,i ordered aromatic duck"

a dog is for life not just for christmas...so be careful at the next office party

one christmas,joe and peter build a skating rink in a field,a shepherd leading his flock decides to take a shortcut accross the rink.but the sheep are afraid to cross it,desperate,the shepherd begins tugging them to the other side."look at that"remarks peter to joe"that guy,s trying to pull the wool over our ice"